Forge the pink curtain.

On Wednesday I turned 30 and became officially the most spoilt girl in the world. Chris and I had a great meal planned at vegetarian restaurant The Gate and having had a shit day at work I was really looking forward to it.

But then I got a phone call at 6pm asking me to go to Berners St, where I was met on the street corner by Chris and whisked to the Sanderson hotel ("I thought you'd like it. It's the one Amy Winehouse got kicked out of last week").

I was checked into possibly the most amazing suite I have ever seen and treated to cocktails and champagne all night and a Mercedes to take us to the Gate for dinner. OMG.


Mmmm. mirrored tables, I bet Winehouse knew what to do with those.


Oh my God. I am SO going out with the right man. The suite at this hotel comes with its own ridiculous modern art which, obviously, we treated with the utmost respect.




I always wanted to bounce on a sleigh bed with a giant egg. Now, at last, at the age of thirty, all my dreams have come true. (Well, apart from the one about the monkey-faced baby).



Check out that picture on the ceiling, That's how modern they are. Or maybe they just worry that their guests might be having really boring sex.

But the highlight of the night and really the point of this post (apart from smug boasting) was THIS.

An electric button to "open the pink curtains". ROFL.

Now THAT is an outstanding level of service for a very discerning client.

I don't want to go back to work and my normal life ever again.

Ahahaha.

It clearly takes a lot of concentration to maintain that fixed grin.

Cake Porn

I am not at the cricket today. On account of the fact that I have not yet done my budget which was supposed to be finished on Friday. And the fact that driving to Brighton on the bank holiday didn't seem like the most fun you could have.

I still have not done my budget, but I did have a nice lunch with Dan and Mishka. Now I am watching Wife Swap and feeling the guilt within me grow slowly, until it the reaches all-encompassing level that will make me get wide eyed with fear and force me to get the spreadsheet out.
I'm getting near. I have already reached the limit of how many times I can have a preparatory cup of tea and a cigarette and I am worrying what shade of brown my teeth will have to be before I get on with it.

But there is one good thing in my world, I found this. Oh yes, this is not just cake, this is cake porn of the filthiest kind. Hardcore, triple X cake in some very skimpy underwear.
Veyr annoyingly they're fully booked for my 30th (shhh) birthday next week but I will get in there. Nothing can keep me from this cake.

Ikea Stomp

As recommended by the Grauniad this Saturday.
You have to sit through a 30 second ad first but it is worth it for this very clever Swedish short.

My Name is not Earl

Favourite quote from My name is Earl the Other day.

"I don't have a gambling problem, I'm winning.
Saying I have a gambling problem is like saying Michael Jordan has a basketball problem...or Def Leppard have an awesomeness problem."

Big Chill 2007

Well the Big Chill was so good it has taken a week to write about it. The sun shone, the line up was great and due to a tent infestation I earnt the new nickname of spiderpants and invented a shit song to go with it.
Apart from some areseholes camping next to us it was all perfect. To be fair the arseholes camping next to us thing happens every year, but usually they're our friends.



Anyway screw our real friends who all lunched it due to "breeding issues".
We went, we saw, we made new friends who were nearly as mad as the usual lot and we didn't miss you a bit! Well maybe just a small tad, but check that home made costume! And he turned into a plane. (not really)



We dranks a lot of ginger nephews and did a fair amount of peeing in unsalubrious places, which was sometimes harder than usual.



Of course I had other costume issues to worry about too.



You just can't trust cross-dressing Tarantino fans with your processed meats.
We discovered new and wondrous music in the shape of phil n dog, who managed to mix the Muppets with Gay Bar.

It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to meet the muppets at the GAY BAR GAY BAR" etc.

and also this lovely mash up too (can you see Chris dancing in the bottom corner?)

There was even a kid still out raving at 1am. Not sure whether this was awesome or foolhardy but they seemed to be having a pretty great time.

I took some more of my special party photos. Can you tell what it is yet?

Nope me neither.

We managed to forget the camera for the highlight of my weekend which was Shlomo and the vocal orchestra who blew everybody off stage.

But check this out anyway, it was like that- only much better. You had to be there, it'll never happen again etc etc.

We drank more ginger nephews, we went to the circus, we watched the barn dance and the human snail race.

Can you see the guy country dancing with spock ears on painted completely blue? No, I can't either. But he really was there, and I hadn't been at the funny cigarettes either.... Honest!

And then we found these nutters who not only humped all of their camping gear the squillion miles from the car to the campsite but also a full size trampoline......!??

That is the definition of insanity.

We stayed up to watch the dawn and then snuggled down in our tent at about 7am....

...Only to be woken up two hours later by a spider attack, the 40 degree temperatures and the most ridiculous sunshine ever.

All the more annoying because the weather forecast had said rain and I thought I could maybe get some sleep.

But no.

I was sweating, awake, my eyes were swollen shut and I had the biggest Kraken attack I think Chris has ever seen. Particularly after being woken up by my own puffy, battered face only an inch away, reflected in Chris' mirrored sunglasses as he leant down to wake me.

Very scary. Don't ever do that to anyone.

I spent Sunday dousing myself with cold water, alternately wrapped in a blanket under a tree and swaying tiredly to the Bays, but it was very cool.

If you missed it, you were very careless. Don't do it again.

And don't ask what happened to my paragraphing halfway through this. I have had enough HTML issues today and I can't be arsed. OK? :-)